Remind Yourself

“They say time changes things, but you have to actually change them yourself.” –Andy Warhol.

It’s funny how we justify things. It’s funny how events in our lives affect those justifications. It’s been awhile since I wrote my first blog. While I was back home in Covington, all I could think about were the places I wished I would rather be. Kenya. Bellingham. Not suburbia. Anywhere that had something to do that was unique to that place. Anywhere that I could function in society without a car. Anywhere that tree’s were more abundant than asphalt. Nature more than engineering. Truth more than fabrication. I just wanted to go somewhere that I felt my yelling and screaming about my frustrations would actually be understood, and, more importantly, joined in on.

Then I got my wish. I made it back to Bellingham. I’m moved into my very first house. I have great roommates. People don’t make fun of me for wanting to compost. My house is so broke that trying to be eco-friendly is simply a way to help ourselves survive. But I find it simply becomes a justification for old habits. I still drive to visit a friend on South Campus, because I don’t want to put the effort into walking from North Campus. But why? Ask yourself this. Why is it that we will drive somewhere that we can walk within a half hour? Why is our time so precious that we can’t even put the effort into bettering ourselves and the world we live in? Why is it that as soon as I’m finally back in a world that is likeminded as me, I use that as an excuse to do small acts of terror? I figure, it’s ok, it’s Bellingham. My Subaru will fit in with its rainbow sticker and kayak racks. Everyone else is hippy here. My small un-environmental acts somehow matter less here, because less people do them. But let’s analyze that statement. Just because less people in Bellingham drive, does that mean the emissions of my car produce less than they do in Covington? Why am I suddenly not critical of myself for these choices anymore? I get this idea that my hippy is back, and I’m more at peace back in Bellingham. But have my habits really changed? My challenge for everyone this time is to analyze your habits. What do you do? Why do you do it? Really think about it. Why. Why do you do what you do? Why do you drive short distances? Why do you choose to throw out a plastic bottle instead of walking 50 feet to a recycle bin? Why are these habits more acceptable in some places than they are in other places? Are these habits so necessary they cannot be changed for the better?

Sunset over Lake Victoria

But I stop and think. What changed? Why do I suddenly not get angry for these things? I find myself feeling more and more lost in life the further away Kenya gets in my mind. I try desperately to reach out and grasp what small pieces I can. I make chipati. I think about it constantly. I keep up on the Daily Nation. I lie in bed at night, and stare at the map of Kenya on my wall, retracing my path in my mind. I find myself consistently restless. I promised myself that when I got a job this year, I would make sure it was something applicable to my future. Give myself experience. Feel I was accomplishing something with my work. Reality? I’m likely days away from being back working at Lowe’s after dozens of unheard-from applications. I’m going back to work to sell people things they don’t need, with money they don’t have. I’m continuing to promote a world I don’t believe in. For what reason? Simple. Money. One more things I don’t promote. Something I don’t believe in living for. Life should be lived for passion and compassion. Not for the highest bidder.

It’s an interesting thing. Justification. Why are my poor actions always someway justified? They aren’t justified because I need to drive my car. They aren’t justified because I need to leave the lights on. They aren’t justified because I need to buy new things. I justify them because I am too lazy to put the effort into walking. I’m too lazy to get up and turn the lights off. I’m too lazy to try and live my life without the new products. A month ago I was tearing apart at the seams trying to get anyone who would listen to me to try and understand why these things are bad. Instead, the further away from Kenya I get, the more of a dream it becomes. The easier it becomes to just forget it all. Try and run from life for a little bit. Forget how important these things once were to me. Forget the faces of the children of Kochia suffering poverty because of these exact choices.

Natasha and Sarah, my reminders

So the question is this: How do you keep from forgetting? Maybe you aren’t trying to remember Kenya. Maybe you’re trying to remember that one person who changed your day from bad to good. Maybe you’re trying to remember why you’re in school. Maybe you’re trying to remember why you love someone. Maybe you just need a reminder. My map of Kenya that takes me back in time every day. Another great customer at work that can make you smile. A new class that re-sparks your passion. The laugh of the person you know you love. Life doesn’t come easy. You must work at it. You must put your own effort into reminding yourself why you move from day to day. You cannot let time do the work. Nothing will change in time’s hands. You must change what you need changed.

Flash back to my time in Covington. I was so ready to leave and get to Bellingham. Surround myself with like minds. But here is the ultimate question: does it do any good? Do I accomplish anything being in Bellingham, with people who all believe the same things I do? Or, as frustrating as it may be, is it a better use of myself to surround myself with people who don’t? Should I preach to a choir, or should I preach to those who don’t know? Bellingham is comfortable. But comfort accomplishes little. If I throw a rock into a waterfall, it won’t make a difference. But if I throw a rock into an unchanging pond, it’s going to ripple. I would argue a ripple is a better use of my resources than yelling what everyone already agrees with.